Fairytale
by draumur i dos
Summary: The Marauders have too much free time on their hands. This is the consequences. Slight slash, but it's not really voluntary, at the least not for Remus . Rated for a teensy little kiss and a bit of violence. Maybe some swears, I don't remember.


Fairytale

**IN SCRIPTFORM!**

**Scene 1: Some faraway country (probably France or Germany, that's where all fairytales are set) long, long ago (like, before the internet. Does anyone remember what life was like before the internet? Neither do I.)**

[PRINCE SIRIUS sits in his throne, looking bored. His manservant PETER is standing next to him, trying to look important.]

PRINCE SIRIUS: I'm bored. Servant, entertain me.

PETER: Of course, your highness. What do you wish to-

[PETER gets hit in the head with an arrow. It looks painful.]

PRINCE SIRIUS: (Rolling in his seat)Hahahaha!

[PETER removes the arrow from his head. There is a message attached to it.]

PETER: (reading the message) 'I have kidnapped the fair Princess, Lady Remus, and will make her my bride. Just try and stop me. BWAHAHAHAH! Signed, The Evil Wizard James Potter

PS: The Cannons rule'

PETER: *Gasp* Did you hear that, my lord?

PRINCE SIRIUS: (dryly) No, I went deaf for a moment there.

PETER: *Doesn't get it*

PRINCE SIRIUS: *Sigh* Never mind. I guess I'm the only one who can understand my true brilliance. So The Evil Wizard has kidnapped the fair Lady Remus, the love of my life and the only person in the kingdom with hair almost as perfect as mine *flips his hair in slow motion, making all the fan girls swoon*

FAN GIRL 1: Marry me Sirius!

FAN GIRL 2: Let me carry your babies!

FAN GIRL 3: *faints*

PRINCE SIRIUS: Yikes! Anways, we must rescue her!

PETER: I'll pack lunch, sir.

**Scene 2: The Evil Wizards Spooky Castle, also known as The Gryffindor Common Room**

[THE EVIL WIZARD JAMES (who shall from now on be known as just James to save time typing) is brandishing his broom. LADY REMUS (REMUS: Don't call me lady!) sits in the corner, tied to a chair. He is wearing a wedding dress.]

LADY REMUS: Somebody kill me now.

RANDOM GRYFFINDOR STUDENT: What the hell is going on? *He is quickly pushed out by James so the role-play… I mean fairytale, can continue*

[PRINCE SIRIUS and PETER burst through the doors.]

PRINCE SIRIUS: Don't worry princess, I'll save you!

LADY REMUS: *dryly* My hero!

JAMES: Bwahahahaha! I'm afraid you're too late! For you see, the princess and I are already married! And you missed it!

PRINCE SIRIUS: Nooooooo!

PETER: Does that mean we don't get any wedding cake.

PRINCE SIRIUS: Now is not the time to think about cake! You wouldn't want his cake anyway, it's evil. Probably a carrot cake.

JAMES: There's nothing wrong with carrot cakes.

PRINCE SIRIUS: *muttering* Health freak.

JAMES: I heard that! Just because you'll eat anything that doesn't move and some things that do it doesn't mean the rest of us don't try to watch our figures!

PRINCE SIRIUS: We're getting of topic here. It's time for our epic battle to the death over the hand of the fair Lady Remus!

[They have a battle, and it is very epic indeed. In the end James lies unmoving on the ground, red liquid pouring from his many wounds. Only they aren't really wounds, more like tiny little tears on his clothes. And the red liquid isn't blood. It's cranberry juice.]

**Scene 3: Still the Evil Wizards Spooky Castle, only the evil wizard is dead and staining the carpet with his cranberry-blood**

PRINCE SIRIUS: Finally, the evil wizard is dead. *He walks over to Remus and unties him*

LADY REMUS: The battle is over, you won. Can I take this dress of now?

PRINCE SIRIUS: *ignoring him* My darling Remus! I have slayed the wizard and freed you. *He takes Remus's hands* No need to thank me.

LADY REMUS: *sarcastically* Why would I thank you for killing my husband?

PRINCE SIRIUS: Shush Remus. Ladies are meant to be seen, not heard.

LILY: Chauvinist!

PRINCE SIRIUS: Now let us share true love's kiss!

LADY REMUS: Eh, Sirius…

[PRINCE SIRIUS swoops down and claims LADY REMUS's lips in the most romantic, passionate… one-sided kiss in the history of fairytales]

PRINCE SIRIUS: And now we shall ride into the sunset!

PETER: Huzzah!

JAMES: *Acts dead*

LADY REMUS: *muttering, looking sick* I think he slipped me some tongue.

THE END!

**I know this is silly and stupid and I'm pretty sure you're not allowed to post fics in script form, and the ending is kind of abrupt and I could go on all day like this, but I won't.**

**This is purely written for fun, it is not meant to be well written. Just funny. Which I hope it is, or I just wasted 10 minutes of my time (which is worthless anyway). Well, please review and tell me what you think!**


End file.
